


The God of Chaos is Not Afraid of the Dark

by TheLibraryWitch



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, Pre-Thor (2011), Sortof, The Avengers (2012) Compliant, Thor: The Dark World, Unreliable Narrator, but when is Loki ever really reliable, featuring my obsession with commas, i think, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 03:37:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16632179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLibraryWitch/pseuds/TheLibraryWitch
Summary: Loki gets lost in his own head. Thor is there sometimes.





	The God of Chaos is Not Afraid of the Dark

Loki was not afraid of the dark. He hated nights, because darkness meant sleep and trying to sleep meant his thoughts would whisper and slither and slip around until he wanted to scream, but he had never been afraid of the dark.

He had never been afraid of the dark, because darkness was only what one cannot see, and to be afraid of the unseen is to be afraid of the unknown.

If anything, he mused, Loki loved the unknown too much, much more than the known, harsh, reality, which was much too inflexible and rarely kind. The unknown is infinite possibilities, it is the future, it is stories that have yet to be created and tricks that have yet to be played.

The unknown was the thrill of waiting near the doors of the armory, his foot cramping after being twisted so long as he waits silently, carefully, trying to avoid the crunch of fallen leaves, with numb fingers from gripping the door frame too tightly in anticipation, waiting to hear the wail of the first guard to fall of their definitely not glue covered saddle when they attempt to dismount.

The unknown was flinging himself off a cliff to test a new spell, with the icy wind rushing through his hair and only the words in a dusty old tome written by a mage long ago to guarantee his change into a bird an inch above the ground.

The unknown is laughing as he soars, giddy with the realization that he can go anywhere in this form, anywhere in all the nine realms, and nobody can stop him. Nobody will know it’s him.

Loki loved the unknown because the unknown was infinite possibilities for chaos, the realities of the future spread out ahead of him, the sequences and stories and words all scrambling over each other in a mad dash to exist and with only a word, only a suggestion or a nudge, Loki could make them real.

What were lies after all, other than stories that have yet to become real?

Maybe that’s why the library was so empty and cold. They locked all the stories away.

 

 

Loki looked up

 

_You must be truly desperate to come to me for help._

 

* * *

 

Loki loved the unknown as he loved high places, as he loved his million nooks and crannies in the uppermost shelves of libraries, on the swaying top branches of trees in mother’s garden, in the nooks carved beneath the terraces of the abandoned watchtower on the west wing.

He had always felt safer being up high, and as such has always sought it out. His brother and the warriors three had teased him for it, saying he was as flighty at home as he was in battle, but the advantage of sitting up high in the shadows, of observing the patterns in the movement of crowds below and hearing all the tales that would never be spoken if he was on the ground made it all worth it

Loki loved high places, because they were freedom, they were the opposite of tight uniforms and disapproving gazes, the antithesis of the punishment after a well-crafted trick.

High places were the ability to disappear too fast for anyone to catch you, they were the brink of danger and running along rooftops, one slip away from tumbling into empty air. They were as close as Loki could come to taking flight, for the long years before he learned to truly fly.

 

 

The wind screamed past them like trails of ice.

  
“Are you MAD??!” Thor screamed.

  
“Possibly” He replied.

  
Probably.

 

* * *

  

Someone was screaming at him.

  
He was being shaken. A million voices hissed and slithered in the background.

  
_YouwillnevergetawaycanthelpThorwhat_

  
Who was shaking him?

  
_focus_

  
Is that why he felt so strange?

  
Thor was shaking him

  
\- saying something.

  
Thor?

  
….and talking….saying…. yelling. Thor was yelling.

  
**-Thor-**

  
He heard himself respond.

  
It was not important.

  
Why - was - he - here – again?

  
_The tesseract_

 

"Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be-king?"

 

_itwasachoice _itwasachoiceITWasAChoiceMyChoiceIchose to -__

 

"I am a king!"

 

__wasAKing-Betrayed-MustStillBeBecauseIfImNot_ _

 

__what are you then?_ _

 

His brain was full of static.

  
Thor had gotten louder.

  
-come home-

  
_Idon’thaveonekickedoutabandonedbetrayed_ I don’t have a home.

  
_Why am I - here whatareyouYouDontWantMeNeverSavedMeWhyWHaATdoYouWANT_

 

_the tesseract_

 

"I don't have it" 

 

The stars look strange here. 

 

  
“You listen well brother, I - ”

  
Something slammed into Thor

  
“I’m listening?”

  
He was on top of a rock. A different rock than before. Quite high up. Why - _the teSSERact -_ Interesting. Craggly. Look there's some grass. 

  
_How did I get here_

  
_blueblueblueEverythingHurtsWhereAmIgoingwhat-_

  
He was on a cliff. High enough to see the tops of trees. 

 

Loki loved high places, because high places were the unknown,

  
_dontthinkdontevenTrytothinkYouWillNeverGetAway_

 

The unknown was safe,

 

_safe? nowhere is safe_

 

it was chaos and freedom - 

  
_Freedom is life’s great lie_

**Author's Note:**

> I always imagine Loki's thoughts to be anxious and disjointed, so here you go I tried to write it. I don't understand how the formatting on this works so the spacing got real weird and I'm sorry. 
> 
> Please review, it feeds the writing gremlin.


End file.
